I have severally talked about mental health and self-care. I am on the forefront asking my patients and readers to take care of their mental wellbeing and to guard that with vehement jealousy. The most unfortunate thing is that I am a bad taker of my own advice. I have been on this roller coaster of giving that I have come to a point of emotional hollowness. A defining quietude.

I have been taking stock of my life. Questioning why I do the things that I do. Do not get me wrong, I love nursing. That I have not questioned. What I have questioned has been the things I do when I am not wearing my stethoscope. They are all lovely from a far, but do they have any meaning to me? I have concluded that little , if anything in life is meant to mean anything. Life just is. The best we can do is to live it because it will be here long after we are not.

Having said that, I have walked down my head to two years ago. On that last day of July, I had my first shift as a Pre-Registered nurse in the United kingdom. I had flown from Kenya to Abu Dhabi to Manchester to Aberdeen and finally to Huntly, a small village in the North of Scotland in Aberdeenshire council.

I do not know what made my agency take me on a lengthy journey. Perhaps they wanted to save costs. Perhaps it was a harbinger of the winding paths my life would take in the United Kingdom. Being a pre-registered nurse, I earned the minimum wage in UK. It is a pittance. Close to nothing. I was petrified. All my life, I have chased better terms and conditions of work. Here was a term I was not willing to make peace with. I longed to qualify as a UK Registered Nurse (UKRN). Between that first shift and my nursing license, a lot of sweat, blood and tears waited for me.

I was the first overseas nurse to be employed in that care home. The management, the nursing staff, the village had yet to see an African who was a nurse. I would get that confirmation when one day some school children emerged from behind a truck where one said to their friends, “come see a black person.” It was so innocent, and I decided to poke fun at them. I surprised them by saying hi and this made them run away chuckling to themselves. To me this was pure innocence and lack of exposure.

Back at the care home, I was meant to work alongside a registered nurse so that they could teach me nursing roles. I was shocked when I was shoved to the floor as a healthcare assistant. It is an okay job but for a registered nurse I wondered if I left Kenya, and an okay-ish paying job to come to the UK to assist people with their activities of daily living. I felt underutilized. My questions and protests fell on deaf ears. I decided not to fight and settle in the role.

It was a surprise when I passed my exam and became a qualified UKRN. Besides the lack of a social life in that village, the language barrier was perplexing. There is a heavy accent in that northern side of Scotland which made me wonder why the United Kingdom even subjected me to an English Exam before my Visa application. This was most certainly NOT the English I have spoken all my school life.

I was in a flat share where I was accused of all manner of things. The landlord was very accommodating. I remember asking him to show me how to use a can opener. Where I come from, food is not sold in cans. If it is, we use knives to break the can at its edges. He must have wondered which hole I had slithered from. I had to ask him  to show me how to use a washing machine too because I had never used one all my life. Thank God for YouTube because even today, I still ask YouTube to show me how to set for different articles of clothing when I am washing. While we are on this matter, what in the world is a Prewash setting for? Thank you.

I think people assume things about other people too much. It is important to ask people what they know and are comfortable to do instead of assuming and have them make mistakes. He even showed me how to use the oven. That landlord was a miracle from heaven.

Owing to discrimination and other factors, I sought a transferto Edinburgh and the rest is history. As I reminisced on these issues, one thing has been constant: God’s reassurance. At no point did I completely lose it. I almost did on several occasions before I was employed at my current NHS hospital. But any time I thought : This is my end. I can’t take this anymore. God brought people to carry me from that situation to the other.

Perhaps that is all we need. The reassurance that God or whatever you call that Higher Power than yourself, is out there watching, helping, nudging you to the right places. I have achieved several milestones some of which will require some books to go over. I have also faced challenges I never imagined. Talk of being thrashed and thrilled at the same time. United Kingdom has been that and then some for me. God has an interesting  sense of humour in my life.

There are a few things I wish people would know before they left Kenya for any Western country.

Have the right papers : Because you don’t want to fear being deported or even mistreated. You also want to keep your passport and residence permit in a safe place. In the UK for example, the police are actually your friends. Eager to help. At least the Police in Scotland have been very lovely in my experience.

Join a union : Especially for people in the service industry like doctors, nursing and healthcare assistants, joining a union gives you professional support. Remember you will always be the bad guy even if you are not. Having a legal backup in form of a union will save you several dollars and emotional manipulation.

Stay in towns or cities : Avoid tiny villages because of the need for community. I am at peace in a city like Edinburgh than I ever was in that tiny village. I know life is cheaper in the villages and small towns but unless you have a family and are settled, I would advise that you look for cities and big towns which are more cosmopolitan.

If you do not ask the answer will always be No: Fear of rejection should never stop you from articulating your needs. I am happy that I have secured a very luxurious position as a nurse which I only did after asking. My asking  was in the form of applications. Apply for what you want. Many a times we do not understand your journey so we may discourageyou. You know you better than a group of shrinks combined. Go for what you want.

Nobody will die if you don’t send money back home : Use the initial months (say six) to settle. You need every dollar and pound for you. Your folks at home will be alright believe me. You will realize I was right. Just settle first. We will worry about other things later.

Finally, as I continue looking into myself and breaking down self-imposed deadlines and curfews, I have come to accept that the world will wait. I can only give so much until I have nothing left for me. I must accept that I too, need to be taken care of. The only person who will ever take care of me to my own satisfaction is me. Thereby, ME needs all the support that she can get.

Continue taking deliberate care of yourselves. You need yourself more than the world needs you.